Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!!
Happy International Women’s Day!
I realized that I have a validation issue, and I’m probably not alone in this.
I just finished a course in dubbing, and I’m doing another one about translation. Growing up I was always the teacher’s pet, the genius kid, and at the top of the class…not anymore. I found myself expecting compliments from the teachers and trying to feel validated as a great student. Nothing, nada, no golden star for me. I’m grateful for this because it made me realize how badly I needed outside validation. For them to tell me how wonderful I am, for them to tell me I’m still smart, and that I’m worthy of the attention.
We grow up looking for outside validation: from our parents, figures of authority, our peers, and society as a whole. Even those that claim they don’t care about anyone else’s opinions they are constantly expecting others to validate them, for example, Tess Holiday says “f your beauty standards” yet wears heavy make-up, uses Botox, tries to conform to all the beauty standards aside from size, and she reacts poorly to negative comments. Fat activists, trans activists, radical feminists, and alpha males, all claim to be extremely confident but screech when others disagree or don’t want to be with them. Sleep with me or you’re a bigot, love me, accept me, validate me. Me, me, me.
Cancel culture worked because as social animals we want to be included, we want to feel part of the group, and we want others to like us. If we are excluded, if we become pariahs, and if we are outcasts it’s physically painful. In the past, it meant death. We can’t survive without our tribe, yet that doesn’t mean we should forget about individuality. Cancel culture fed into the fear of rejection and now people are afraid of speaking up. We were forced to walk on eggshells to avoid cancelation, avoid rejection, and avoid becoming outcasts. Either form part of the hive mind or die.
As usual, there is a middle ground. Yes, being part of society is important, and we should care about others. I’m not asking for people to forget about others, dismiss people’s emotions, and disregard society as a whole. I don’t want people to promote antisocial behavior. However, we can’t forget our individuality either. We are individuals within a society. We have to think critically, we have to understand the balance between others and ourselves. Yes, you matter, and so do others. I don’t need others to validate me for me to be worthy of love or kindness and I don’t have to validate you.
Live and let live requires us to respect ourselves and respect the rest. I shouldn’t expect everyone to love me or agree with me. Someone posted a trash emoji on my Instagram reel, and I’m all right with that. He has the right to do that, and I’m happy I have enough emotional intelligence not to let it destroy me. The world isn’t a safe space and it will never be. Inequality, injustice, and evil will never disappear. No one has to validate me, my identity, or my emotions. You believe it’s wrong for me to marry a woman or have kids with her? That’s your right, you just can’t forbid me from doing that. You can disagree with what you see as a lifestyle, with my religion, or with anything else about me, but you can’t stop me from doing what I want with my life as long as I don’t break the law.
I’m still the same smart kid. I don’t need others to remind me how smart I am, or the good things about me if I know them. If I forget, my mom, my partner, and my friends will remind me of my worth as I will for them. My safe space is my mind and my loved ones. Not social media or the outside world. Let them reject me, let them hate me, I know who I am, and I’m not afraid of being myself. Telling our youth and people in general that everyone else is their enemy and that they are victims regardless of what they do is horrible. We can’t keep feeding into the idea that likes on Insta or follows make you better, that if others disagree with your ideas you are doing wrong-think, and that you have no responsibility. Others are to blame, others opinions hold my value, others need to do this or that…so maybe we focus way too much on others?
I can’t control others, I can’t control things outside of myself and sometimes I can’t even control my body. I’m responsible for my emotions, my actions, my words, and for who I am. I’m responsible for my self-esteem, and my emotional and mental health. The world doesn’t need to become a safe space, we need to learn how to regulate ourselves. I can’t focus on what others think of me so much I’m no longer myself, and we can’t be so narcissistic we want to control others to think, feel, or act the way we want them to. As long as they follow the law, then let them be. Focus on your self-growth and being your best self. That’s all we can do.
With much love,
Belle
Podcast episodes:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/MFz7ZexJ0xb
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/bA0oNnxJ0xb