Hello, Lovely Soul Drop! Sorry I took so long to write. I have been working on finding a job and organizing my life again after getting my degree. Today, I want to talk about the difference between self-care and self-indulgence, and how we can tell them apart.
Let’s begin by defining self-care. According to the Global Self Care Organization (2023) it’s defined like this “Self-care is the practice of individuals looking after their own health using the knowledge and information available to them.” (p. 1) Personally, I define self-care as the set of activities, routines, and choices you make to look after your mental, physical, and spiritual health.
Now, what is self-indulgence? The Merriam Webster Dictionary gives us the following definition: “excessive or unrestrained gratification of one's own appetites, desires, or whims” (def. 1, 2023) Hence, self-indulgence focuses on satisfying ourselves with no discipline or regulation.
As we can see, both are different yet easily confused. We might think eating the whole ice cream pint is self-care when in reality this would be self-induogence. I believe today’s “self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care” groups on social media promote self-indulgence and an unhealthy obsession with the “self” instead of helping people grow as humans.
Yes, we are imperfect, and we make mistakes. Sometimes we will self-indulge by accident and we shouldn’t cling to those events to punish ourselves. Additionally, being too harsh with ourselves only causes more anxiety prompting us to make the same mistake again. If we want to heal and grow, we have to observe our mistakes and fix them with compassion and kindness. This doesn’t mean “I’m perfect the way I am so I won’t improve anything” but it doesn’t mean “I’m a terrible human being because of the mistakes I make” either. Remember this is all about finding balance.
Here are four tips to help yourself take better care of yourself:
Photo by Piotrekswat
Observe yourself: Write about the aspect of your life or yourself you wish to improve. For example, I used to treat myself cruelly, so I started writing down how did I treat myself that day. Be honest, there’s no use in trying to lie to yourself. Be kind, instead of adding extra judgement to it, just write what happened. “Today I talked myself down because I didn’t complete my to-do list” instead of “Because I’m an useless idiot I didn’t finish my to-do list and felt bad about it”. Just write the facts.
Copy the voices of people who love you: When you choose to do something try to think if you would like someone else to do it. Would you like your best friend to make the same choice you’re making? How would they talk to you if you shared your situation? Whenever I’m about to self-indulge or harass myself, I copy the voice of my partner or think how would I feel if he did what I’m about to do.
Feel the moment: How do you feel after eating so much you can’t move? How do you feel the next morning after you refused to sleep because you were playing a vidoe game? Feel the shame, feel the anger, feel the disappointment. All of those feelings are signaling you that you’re not on the right path. Instead of running away from those uncomfortable emotions…feel them so you may learn the lesson.
Have a plan: Focus on a single thing you wish to improve about your life or about yourself, and then come up with a plan with actions you have to take so you can achieve your goal. It might be counting your calories, it could be scheduling work out sessions with a friend, or maybe to meditate three minutes every single day. Download apps, watch videos, set reminders, get excited about it! Then follow the plan while keeping yourself accountable.
I hope this helped you, an thank you so much for reading!! Let me know if these were useful and if you have a topic you would like me to develop here.
With much love,
Belle Moon.