Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!
I can feel my muscles tense even further as I plan on starting my first therapy homework. I had given up on therapy altogether because I felt I wasn’t advancing in any way. Now? I feel like I’m about to unleash the deep-rooted thoughts and emotions that keep me in a self-destructive cycle. It’s honestly terrifying.
At some point in my early life I decided I wasn’t worth a happy life, and since then I’ve been self-sabotaging myself every time I get close to being happy. Sometimes I can’t tell apart from those patterns and things I should do to improve. For example, I might feel like a relationship doesn’t work anymore but maybe it’s me trying to avoid feeling happy with someone else. Hopefully, therapy will help me to tell them apart and change my harmful conducts for healthier ones.
Fibromyalgia and BPD have been battling against me for half of my life. I’m exhausted, but I’m not giving up! I want to continue healing. I wish to grow and be better. I love engaging in philosophical, political, and societal topics, yet my main goal is to become a better person. For those that love me, but also for myself. I will be with myself my entire existence so I better make that experience the best I can make it.
I don’t have the solutions for everything. I have no idea how to heal the world and build a better one. However, I can focus on being a better human being every single day. As I learn, grow, and heal I’m also affecting the rest of the world just like a drop creating ripples around itself.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this inspires you to continue working on yourself!