Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!! I hope you had a wonderful start of the year. I’m thinking about death today, not because of anything bad, but as something natural we have to learn how to live with.
I want to bring the middle ground to every single conversation, and that includes this one. I used to have a strange adoration for death as a kid, then I grew up to have suicidal ideation, now I see death as a natural event of life we have to acknowledge and accept as part of existence.
As I was returning home today, I noticed a black funeral car. Someone died yesterday and was been taken to their grave there. I dediced to watch Pinocchio again, because I think that movie is a perfect depiction of the relationship I wish to have with death.
Loss and grief are extremely hard to deal with, yet I had to start doing so as a little girl when my father died. I was only ten years old as I watched the light escape from his eyes. It’s been over a decade, but I still miss him terribly. The pain hasn’t disappeared entirely, still, it did get better. I’m healing day by day. The memory of my father brings a smile to my lips. Sometimes a sad tired smile. Other times a bright grateful smile. I’m grateful for everything we lived together, because he was worth the pain of losing him.
I know I will lose my cat, my mom, and maybe even my husband, but I’m ready for all of that. Death is inevitable and so is the pain. However, suffering can be managed. Emotional wounds are like physical ones. They need to be taken care of so they can heal. Some leave scars, some hurt even after healing, and some fade away. Depending on how well we take care of them it’s how they will heal. It takes time, and some wounds are forever, we just learn how to live with them.
On the other hand, my death is not something I wish for desperately anymore. I’m both curious and excited for my future. After ten years of therapy, I finally feel like I’m worth suffering for. Yeah, life is painful, especially when you have a chronic pain illness. Nevertheless, the beauty of life is way more enticing now. After all, I’m going to die one day. One of my favorite books is The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman; the protagonist must learn that after death nothing changes, so grow and change as much as you can right now. Death can wait.
Finally, I’m not looking for death, but I embrace it as part of being alive. This is a complex topic, so I’m sure I will continue to learn about it. I hope this made you reflect in a positive way. Thank you so much for reading!!
With much love, Belle Moon.