Am I pro-life or pro-choice?

Neither, here's why

Oct 16, 2024

Hello, Nuanced Free Soul! I hope you’re doing alright. I have many topics I wish to write essays about, but the heavier the topic, the more scared I am to write. This is insane because I’m building a community of people who want to learn, listen, and connect with me rather than tear me apart or “cancel” me for wrong speech. As a “center-right” or “classically liberal” mind, I’m always wary of how people will react to sharing my point of view.

I’ll keep writing and speaking up though.

I believe authenticity is more powerful than being “loved” for saying anything “your side” likes until you eventually fall because you’re not pure or extremist enough.

I would rather be canceled, funada, a woketard, an alt-right pick me, or whatever people say than become someone I’m not.

Back in High School, I didn’t have a group of friends because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my values to be liked. If a 15-year-old me was brave enough to say her piece, a 25-year-old me would have to be just as brave or even braver.

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That said, here’s my essay on whether I’m pro-life or pro-choice which is a topic that’s heavy and important to me.

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I don’t believe either label truly fits me and I find myself between the two. I do think that good people on both sides agree with certain things: abortions are ending a life, abortions are not amazing or to be celebrated, the choice of whether or not to keep the baby is not so easy, and we should all be focusing on improving sexual education, adoption services, and support women (and girls) who are in dangerous situations. I believe there are a lot of misconceptions on both sides as well. Pro-life people think pro-choicers hate babies and pro-choice people believe pro-lifers hate women. I find that neither is true in most cases, and most have their beliefs inspired by good intentions. Where do I stand? Let’s see.

I consider life begins at conception and that all life is valuable regardless of age, sex, sexuality, ability, etc. So I’m staunchly pro-life, right? No. I hate when people have to put down (kill) their fur babies. If my cat became so ill that she couldn’t have a good life anymore and the vet suggests me put her down, I think I would, broken-hearted but I would. I don’t think most people would have issues with me doing that.

However, I also thought my grandmother should have been euthanized at the end of her life when she was no longer able to even register who she was. I don’t think entirely braindead people should be kept alive suffering and making everyone around them suffer, or even worse, that they might be abandoned to die somewhere in a slow, horrible manner. I don’t think the 13-year-old boy who murdered his classmates and was given a life sentence should stay alive either, I find it cruel to have him exist locked up in a cage for 70+ years and there’s no reformation available that we know of.

Those would ALL be killing someone, but I would agree that sometimes death is the preferable choice. The issue comes when you start to legislate these things. What killings are legal and how can you avoid people taking advantage and twisting legislature to their benefit? Not all doctors who perform euthanasia or abortions are sweet, kind, loving people who want the best for the people they are tending to. Same as not all people who wish to end a life are evil. Also, maybe that convicted killer/rapist you think should be killed is innocent. The system isn’t perfect (and will never be) so innocent people are convicted while evil people get away with it.

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I had a friend who was raped by her schizophrenic brother so she got an abortion. She was sure I would hate her, but I didn’t. I felt horrible that she had to go through something like that at just 15 years old. I had my first period at only 9 years old, can you imagine a 9-year-old giving birth because she was raped? I don’t think I could force a child to give birth to another child. Yet, the life that is being ended is valuable and it’s simply tragic that we would think that’s the better option. The baby never asked to be conceived, no one asked to be brought into this world either. We don’t consent to live in a sense, anti-natalists believe no one should be born at all! Obviously, that’s not my stance. Despite my Atheist claims, I offer thanks to any animal that died so I could eat it, just like my indigenous ancestors did. All lives are precious, but sometimes ending them could be for the best or a necessary evil.

I want life to be the better option as much as it can be. I was an unwanted baby myself, and I was given up for adoption. Did I suffer because of that? Of course. I’m neurodivergent, chronically ill, lost my father, never had a sense of family despite my family being loving and caring, and I was bullied throughout my early life. I have struggled against suicidal ideation ever since I have a memory, that’s why life means so much to me. I conquered my issues, I fought, and earned the pleasure of being alive. I’m super happy I survived! I’m eternally grateful to that 21-year-old woman who gave birth to me. Thank you for allowing me to live my life. I know mine is a happy ending, and other people’s stories won’t be the same. However, we should be fighting to make happy endings more and more possible.

Personal responsibility is another issue that arises when we talk about this topic. Some people claim women should be free to have as many abortions as they want, doesn’t she also have the choice to close her legs and stop choosing new baby daddies? The same people say that men should be forced to pay for childcare because poor babies otherwise, after all that man can choose NOT to have another baby momma added to the roaster…right? Why can women opt out of pregnancy, but men can’t? It takes two to tango. We can’t pretend that the oversexualized society we have in Latin America and America, especially in low-income places isn’t related to this. Hook-up culture isn’t liberating or amazing. Sexual education should include emotional intelligence education. Do not literally fuck around and find out! I’m an Atheist, but I was so terrified of having a baby by accident that I chose not to have penetrative sex until I was ready to bear a child if it came to it. I wasn’t going to repeat my mom’s mistake. If you enter the abortion clinic MULTIPLE times…YOU are the issue, girl (you and the guys who keep banging you).

a woman with long hair wearing a gray outfit — Photo by Daniele La Rosa Messina on Unsplash

On the other hand, there’s my lack of trust in governments (I’m Venezuelan, can you blame me?) and their making choices about our health doesn’t reassure me one bit. Besides, making abortion illegal doesn’t stop them from happening, it just makes them more dangerous for the women looking for them. That’s why I like the “legal, safe, and rare”. I don’t want women who lose their babies in spontaneous abortions to be charged as criminals either.

That would make me pro-choice…and yet I don’t like that label because it’s attached to a group of extreme progressives I despise so much. I wonder how many people agree with pro-life more than they think but refuse to use the label not to be seen as a misogynous religious zealot? I already know most pro-life people are not that, and I also know most pro-choice are not the extremists that drive me insane. They are probably empathetic souls like mine who don’t want the government interfering so much with our lives.

Hence why I don’t understand how it is my body my choice until the government can cast people outside of society for not getting a vaccine they shared so much misinformation about. I got vaccinated, btw, I just wouldn’t force others to do so. I would educate the population so most people choose to get vaccinated and most women choose NOT to have unprotected sex or choose awful partners.

After researching, I learned that most abortions are because women are not financially able to take care of the baby, don’t feel ready, or have an awful partner. It’s rarely because of rape, incest, or health reasons.

That’s worrisome.

I remember how my classmates used to tell me that being sexually liberated and “trying the product first” was important. Luckily, only one ended up with an unplanned baby. I never understood how people could have sex on the first date, and I’d say that’s due to my Latina culture…but once again, those girls in university were Latinas and couldn’t understand how I survived without having sex. What if I marry the dude and he’s bad in bed? I have bigger worries, thank you. I’m also bisexual, but I would never have sex with a woman I’m not married to or at least engaged. I find sex an act of love you don’t give out to the first willing human you encounter.

Nevertheless, some women who aren’t sleeping around still have babies they can’t take care of, so they should be able to get support. Both pro-life and pro-choice organizations should be providing that support, and I know for a fact that in my country pro-life organizations do it. Sadly, there’s another topic people don’t talk about often…the stigma of adoption. Many told my mom she shouldn’t adopt and one woman told me to my face (knowing I’m adopted) that she could never because what if she turns out like the Orphan in the movie? Yeah, because no parent was ever killed by their biological children. “More than one-third of interview respondents said they had considered adoption and concluded that it was a morally unconscionable option because giving one's child away is wrong.” (Finer et all, 2005) So giving the baby away is wrong, but killing them isn’t, got it.

To conclude, I hold values that both sides would agree with, and yet we have never come to solutions that can satisfy everyone. That’s impossible. Extremists on both sides give their side a horrible name and make it so we don’t want to hold these important conversations. Getting a perfect society is impossible, but I swear I’m trying my best to learn, grow, and share so I can help create a better world. My better might not look like yours, so I’m sure not everyone can agree and support me. I also know that people who disagree don’t do it because they hate me or are evil (at least most of the time). That’s how I often move from side to side, adjusting my beliefs and choices according to the data I have and the context of each situation. Safe, RARE, and legal might be a good middle ground despite my knowing each abortion is a tragedy and an inhumane act.

I guess most people can agree this is a difficult nuanced topic we should be talking about with more empathy and less dogma (that also goes for you, progressives).

Nuanced Free Souls

Am I pro-life or pro-choice?

Neither, here's why

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